i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
