You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
