I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
