She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
