i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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