Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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