What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
