I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
