god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
