He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
