Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just cropdusted the office
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize