Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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