Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
