i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
