he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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