her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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