i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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