i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
