i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
