i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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