I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
