Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
