ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
