You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
