he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize