i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
