You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
