Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
