Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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