can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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