I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Randomize
