My room smells like vodka and shame
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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