Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
