nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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