Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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