Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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