I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
