So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
