Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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