'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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