I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
