Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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