I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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