I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
