sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
