We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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