I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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