dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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