Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
