a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My breasts were aching with rage.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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