Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
