I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize