two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
