New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
