Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
its liver damage thursday
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
