Someone shit on the floor
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
