is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
