I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
