Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
