At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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