I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
