I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She bit a glass in half.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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