life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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