i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
