My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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