She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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