I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
