I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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