I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
