just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
