I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
