the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
