One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
