I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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