so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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