he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
