that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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