I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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