I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
