Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
