ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
