did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
