My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
