He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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